SNL turned to prison humor this weekend for the cold open, which looked at what life might be like behind bars for celebrity inmates Lori Loughlin, Julian Assange, Michael Avenatti and Tekashi 6ix9ine.
“Now that the Mueller report turned out to be a big fat zero, we’re back to prison shows,” a voice announced at the start of the skit.
The show then launched into a spoof of MSNBC prison series Lockup, with SNL regular Kate McKinnon playing Full House actress Loughlin, who was arrested last month in the college admissions scandal, and is now out on bail.
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The inmates huddled together in a cell at California’s Chino Correctional Facility and tried to one-up each other to see who committed the worst crime.
One prisoner said he was doing time for “a little” armed robbery. Another was locked up for assault, and a third said he stabbed a neighbor to death and “ate his fingers so they couldn’t ID the body.”
“Damn, that’s insane,” one of the inmates remarked, but the crime committed by McKinnon’s Lori “Loco” Loughlin turned out to be worse.
“Oh yeah, you think that’s insane? I paid 500 grand to get my daughter into USC,” McKinnon said to wild laughter.
“You paid 500 grand for USC?” a stunned inmate asked.
Her cellmates were impressed, yet nervous, after McKinnon bragged about putting the $500,000 bribe toward her daughter becoming a communications major, and “influencer on Instagram.”
“Stop it! I can’t hear anymore,” said a fellow inmate played by Kenan Thompson. “Guards, get her away from me.”
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Things got more heated when someone asked McKinnon if she was “Aunt Becky.” She wanted none of it, and pulled out a shiv, said she’d “bought” her way into the Nation of Islam and her new name was “Brother Becky.”
Also holding court in the cell were Attorney Michael Avenatti, played by Pete Davidson; Michael Keaton portrayed WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange; and Melissa Villaseñor tuned in a performance as rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine, who pleaded guilty earlier this year to racketeering, weapons and drug charges.
Despite his rough looks, Tekashi turned out to be the least intimidating cellmate.
“You here for something crazy?” one inmate asked.
“Nah,” he said, “just robbery and gun stuff.”