Nick Cannon has been going through a lot lately. Just days ago, he revealed he was in the hospital recovering from pneumonia, and now the actor, host and producer is coping with the first anniversary of his infant son’s death.
One year ago, Cannon lost his son, Zen, to a malignant brain tumor.
In a lengthy Instagram post Monday morning, he paid tribute to Zen.
“Physically I’m definitely on the mend but mentally and spiritually I’m broken,” Cannon wrote alongside three photos of Zen. “Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all. I can’t believe it’s been a year already since the toughest day of my life occurred. Such a painful anniversary.”
“Losing a child has to be [one of] the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over,” he acknowledged. “A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily. I am far from perfect and often fall short and make decisions in my life that many question, but anyone who knows me knows my heart.”
Related Story: Nick Cannon to Discuss Son’s Death on ‘The Checkup With Dr. David Agus’
Cannon said he recently turned to a spiritual leader for guidance.
“One of my spiritual leaders recently told me that I am in the midst of one of the most challenging seasons of my life, but encouraged me to be steadfast and know that all of this will only make me stronger, and to not lean on my own understanding but to rely on the the peace that surpasses all,” he continued.
He then asked for fans and his followers to lift him up in prayer.
“I know a few days ago I wrote a post from my hospital bed saying I will be okay and I just needed rest so don’t waste your prayers on me but I can definitely use those prayers right now,” he said. “Continue to peacefully rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally.”
Cannon has been open about his heartbreak. Days after his son’s passing, he shared the news during a segment on The Nick Cannon Show and broke down as he talked about the final moments he shared with Zen.
As previously reported, Nick Cannon will discuss in detail his son’s death on The Checkup with Dr. David Agus. Cannon will also reveal his own near-fatal lupus diagnosis. The new series will debut on Monday, Dec. 12.
Despite challenging times, Cannon has something to celebrate. Just last month, it was revealed that the soon-to-be father-of-12 is expecting his second child with Zen’s mother, model Alyssa Scott.