Saturday Night Live kicked off its first episode of 2019 with a cold open featuring Alec Baldwin as President Trump looking to make a deal with Congress in “Deal or No Deal: Government Shutdown Edition.”
Kenan Thompson played Steve Harvey, who replaced germaphobic host Howie Mandel, after Mandel came down with “ebola” from shaking someone’s hand.
Before the deal-making began, Harvey told Trump: “We decided to do this in the only format that you can understand, a TV game show with women holding briefcases.”
Trump said he wanted $5 billion for his border wall. In exchange he would extend DACA and “release the kids from cages.”
First up, Trump selected the briefcase held by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, played by Kate McKinnon, who they branded “Fancy Nancy Pe-Loser.” When Harvey asked how she was doing, “Fancy Nancy” replied: “Just normal, not like drunk on my own power or anything.”
She offered a deal of $1 billion for border security, plus Trump had to say “Nancy’s my mommy.” Trump said no thanks.
Next up was Sen. Chuck Schumer (Alex Moffat), who Trump described as an “older Jewish woman.”
The New York senator offered “whatever you want” to end the shutdown. That is until Pelosi reminded him: “We’re not doing that anymore. Remember we’re not caving in.” He then switched his offer to $15 and a pastrami on rye.
Once again, Trump passed.
Harvey then thanked the night’s sponsors, including green beef: “It shouldn’t be green, but ain’t nobody at the FDA to inspect it.”
When they returned to the suitcase models, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Sen. Cory Booker, Rep. Steve King and Rep. Maxine Waters also presented deals.
After confusing Ocasio-Cortez for Cardi B, Harvey then introduced Ego Nwodim as the real I Like It rapper, who recently joined the shutdown debate with an Instagram video slamming Trump.
She offered Baldwin’s Trump “shmoney,” but he declined.
When it seemed there would be no deal, Pete Davidson saved the day. He played a Clemson football player carrying a Crave Case from White Castle, and a deal POTUS couldn’t refuse — a box of “hamberders,” in a riff on the president’s recent tweet.
Delighted by the offer, Trump rang his buzzer and said: “I’m going to make that deal.”